What I don't miss about my eating disorder: When I was inpatient at a residential treatment in Arizona they had rules during meal time, which is standard, but I hated them. I don't miss being told when to eat, how much to eat, how to eat it, getting in trouble for supplementing, having to eat everything in order to be rewarded with coffee and or having a cigarette after meals. I don't miss being told to continue eating even when I am so painfully full otherwise privileges are taken away or you get put on bedrest. Don't get me wrong, this approach does work for some people, but for me, these are things that didn't work, and perhaps I just wasn't ready yet.
What I'm not going to miss about my eating disorder: When I forget that this process isn't perfect. When I try to recovery perfectly and do everything perfect and not fuck up. When I don't realize that I don't have to be strong every day. That it's ok to not want to do this and feel ambivalent. That I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone when I feel this way. I don't have to be motivating or motivated all the time. I'm not going to miss being superficial with my feelings and then getting called on it. Like in my face called on it because Scarlett was more angry at my eating disorder than I was. I am not going to miss being called boring and instead of getting mad at my eating disorder, getting mad at Scarlett for saying it.
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