What I don't miss about my eating disorder: I don't miss not knowing what I wanted for my life. The thought of "life goals" was not a concept I could wrap my starving brain around. I remember Dr. V from Harborview, he gave me "homework" assignments every day. In order to earn privelages (insert behavior modification here) I had to complete my h.w. What seemed like a simple assignment of writing down life goals kept me in my hospital gown and restricted to my bed for 3 days. The furthest I could conprehend for what I wanted out of life was simple. I didn't want to die and I wanted off my bed. When rephrased "What did I want to be when I 'grew up'?" I drews a blank. For years I drew a blank. I had no concept of life without an eating disorder ... Today, I still don't know what it feels like to not be sick, but I dream about it. I can imagine it and I can feel it. I managed to figure out my goals, my dreams. I have hope.
What I'm NOT GOING TO MISS about my eating disorder: Insomnia. I would really like to sleep. Real sleep.
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