What I don't miss about my eating disorder: Contracts. It seems like every therapist (except Sandy...) and definitely every treatment center and hospital, required some kind if contract. I will not harm myself, I will eat 3 meals and 3 snacks, I will consume this and not consume that or do this and not that ... Really? I always thought 'If I could consume this and not do that then I wouldn't be here in the first place'. But sign away I always did, setting myself up for failure and releasing whomever from liability if I died. No, not today. The only contract I have is with myself. Today, I promise to myself.
What I'm not going to miss about my eating disorder: When my eating disorder blind sides me. I feel new to this journey still. Every single day I feel vulnerable. I'm still learning the ropes, still trying to understand the process. Every day I put on my galoshes and wade through all the shit around me hoping I'm going in the right direction, doing the right thing. Some of it's beautiful and amazing, some if it's ugly. All of it is part if recovering. I wasn't going to blog today because I wasn't feeling so strong in my journey. Next time I get blind sided, I'll be stronger. That's part of recovery, too.
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