What I DON'T MISS about my eating disorder: Spending hours upon hours engaging is compulsive "activities" to keep everything organized, everything in it's place as a way to keep my world in control. It also kept me distracted from thinking about food, it gave me something to focus on instead of the chaos in and around me. Keeping the flow and fibers of the carpet all in the same direction somehow meant that everything in the world was right, that aside from starving myself, I was ok and safe.
What I am NOT GOING TO MISS about my eating disorder: Conversations with Scarlett that begin with Me: "I am at the Evergreen State Fair" and end with Scarlett: "Really ... Go the fuck home". Soon this conversation will end with Scarlett: "Awesome! Pick me up some Tortilla Soup and HAVE A GOOD TIME". I'm not there yet, I know because I don't see the problem with going to the fair, sitting in the indoor arena to watch my family ride in the horse show. This is how I know I'm not ready yet, I'm still working on my shell.
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