What I don't miss about my eating disorder: When my automatic reaction to any situation and feeling was to instantly numb out. I didn't even have to think about it, like the flipping of a switch, I never had a chance to decide how I actually felt, it was just automatically nothing. Not happy, not sad, or excited or scared or angry or curious. I just stayed in a emotionally protected bubble. That's boring. So maybe I'm a hypersensitive, I'm adjusting and coping, and the upside to feeling so very sad or so very angry is that I also get to be so very happy, so very excited, so very loved ... and so very loved isn't so very bad :-)
What I'm not going to miss about my eating disorder: I can almost guarantee that when I can rely on a regular intake of solid nourishment, when I drink my last drop of Ensure Plus, it will be my last drop forever. I will proudly wear my Body By Ensure tshirt because I don't ever want go back to Ensuring. There's too much good food out there. I'm hitting the ground running, that is, once I'm finally strong enough to run.
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