What I DON'T MISS about my eating disorder: When the grocery store terrified me. For many years I avoided the grocers like the plague. It made me feel ashamed to go as if the act of grocery shopping was some how admitting that I was going to eat whatever I was parading around in my shopping basket for everyone to see. I instantly felt like I was on display with a giant blinking neon sign that screamed "Anorexic Eating". I thought that if I went to the grocers then I was admitting that I eat and everyone knows that "anorexics don't eat" and I wanted to be a good anorexic. I wanted to be the Best. What I didn't comprehend until years later was that the Best Anorexics die. That's the reward. Today I love the grocery store. A trip to Whole Foods to me is now like an exciting field trip. Turns out I'm a foodie, and I'm not ashamed of it.
What I'm NOT GOING TO MISS about my eating disorder: Shopping for my clothes in the kids department. I know it sounds trivial but I love Lucky Brand Jeans and I want to be able to wear them again. My Free People clothes just hanging in the closet collecting dust because I can't fit them? I'd like to not have to wear sweat pants with M&M's or My Little Pony because the only pairs I could find that didn't fall off were in the kids department. It's a Gong Show to go shopping and I'd like that to change... I know it's not the most important part of recovery but one has to have something to look forward to ...
No comments:
Post a Comment