September 14, 2012
What I don't miss about my eating disorder: I don't miss the moment I saw it in my Dad's face when he first realized that my eating disorder was a problem... I don't miss watching my loved ones grapple with their feelings about it, switching between disappointment and concern, love and anger, not being able to understand and still trying to do what they believed was right... All the while I am pushing them all away, begging them to leave me alone. I don't miss the emotional pain from getting and remaining sick, or seeing it in my loved ones faces as they stood by and watched.
What I'm not going to miss about my eating disorder: The skipping heart beats. It's not painful, it's more like a shot of adrenaline I guess. Like having the wind knocked out of you. I call it flutterflies. It's a weird flutter feeling. It gives me anxieties, and it's a little scary. I want my heart to be strong.
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