What I don't miss about my eating disorder: When I would get called out on things in my treatment and I wouldn't be able to see passed my anger. When I wouldn't ever stop and think that what I was hearing was true and whomever loved me enough to say it, when instead of listening, I would stand up and grab my things and walk out, following my anger right through the door. I don't miss when I couldn't sit there with my anger boiling my blood and realize that the reason I'm so angry is because what I'm hearing is true and I'm only enraged because I know it and it sucks to admit it. It would be so much easier to just walk away.
What I'm not going to miss about my eating disorder: The times when I fight for the wrong things because my eating disorder has my mind and reality so fucking twisted and warped that I'm digging my heels in ready to fight to the death, believing I'm fighting for myself all the while playing for the wrong team ... and I don't get it. I don't see it or realize it. And then when I do, when the epiphany hits, that's when the anger comes, and the confusion and frustration. I can't wait for the reality to become clearer.
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