What I don't miss about my eating disorder: Waking up in the middle of the night because I was so incredibly hungry and the hunger pains were so intense and painful and all I would allow myself was one swallow of water. Then I would go back to bed and tell myself over and over to be strong, that that sip was all I needed, just ignore it, just ignore the pain, ignore the hunger, it will go away, you're stronger than the wants and needs of your body. Fuck! I really don't miss that. I can look back at those memories and hear that voice, clear as day, and I want to scream at it, as if MY voice now could somehow go back and save myself from ever falling for the tricks and the traps of the eating disorder that would eventually silence my own voice.
What I'm not going to miss about my eating disorder: When my eating disorder still gets in there to my brain and fucks with my thoughts and tries to convince me that reality isn't true and I can't trust what I see or think or feel. Get the FUCK out of my head ASSHOLE!
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