Type 2 diabetes and supporting your family requires patience. Family members, friends, and loved ones are going to make mistakes no matter how much training I give them and how many times I tell them to not make the dinner conversation about diabetes. There will be times when they do that because a diabetes diagnosis is the first time for them as well.
Family members are not trained in how to support someone with type 2 diabetes and one session with me is not enough, it takes practice. Having patience, encouraging the good support, and gently reminding a family member when they offer support that doesn’t work is critical. When feeling supported always make sure that the person supporting you knows you feel supported and they receive positive feedback.
Often the family will do really well supporting the patient for the first week in a way that doesn’t feel comfortable for them and they don’t receive positive feedback. The family has a different view of what support is best, such as making sure the right foods are eaten, wrong actions aren’t taken, and trying to control the situation. Especially when a loved one has a disease, there’s an uncomfortable feeling with the way the patient wants to be supported versus the way the family wants to support them.
When the family does support in the manner desired by the patient and positive feedback is not received, there’s this wanting to revert to old ways. When this occurs the family receives negative feedback such as “you weren’t even listening”. Notice the kind of support your loved ones give you, provide positive feedback and gently remind them when the support does go off track. For example, you could say: “I know you love me and want to support me and when you do ABC, it is wonderful but it doesn’t help as much when you do DEF.”
Family members come in about once a month to discuss support and communication. There needs to be practice in doing something new. Most family members don’t say “Thank you for supporting me the way I want to be supported.” It’s not normal conversation and it has to be practiced and honed. You may appreciate the support and because the feedback is not normally said it is an uncomfortable communication style that has to be learned.
Love and patience is the key between family and patient because the diagnosis is new to everyone. As the family and patient get better and better at communicating, things shift and people forget the new communication style but that is why regular check-ins are necessary.
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