The Mask of Halloween by Kate Kaczor
If you have taken a walk down our Seattle streets
recently, you will have noticed a few changes. The air is a bit crisper, the
leaves are changing colors, and pumpkins are seated upon the porches of most
homes. It is clear, October is upon us. While October brings about many joys
throughout the entire month, its claim to fame comes on its final day. The
holiday designed to scare our pants off,
Halloween, is one of the most celebrated holidays by Americans. We love going
to haunted houses, having costume parties, and the pumpkin-flavored, well,
everything.
The Halloween we know and love today has an ancient
history. The holiday is said to have originated over 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the
United Kingdom and northern France by the Celtic population. The Celts
celebrated their new year on November 1st. They viewed this day as
the end of the summer and harvest time and the beginning of winter and season
of hunger and death. In preparation for the New Year, on October 31, a festival
known as called Samhain was held. During this festival the Celts dressed up in
costumes in hopes they could ward off the ghosts they feared would come the
next day to create chaos and destroy their crops.
Halloween
has changed quite a bit since the time of the Celts, but one thing has remained
constant: the costumes. It is the one day out of the year where it is socially
acceptable to dress up however you please and pretend to be someone else. It
makes sense that this tradition of escaping our identity has been a constant in
this holiday so closely associated with fear and terror. When we are threatened
with some of our fears, whether it be spiders, witches, or screaming kids with
candy, we often search for a way to disconnect from situations in order to
avoid dealing with the fear. Our hope is that if we can avoid being ourselves,
the situation that is causing the fear will simply disappear.
This may
work out okay on Halloween. After the night is over, the ghosts and ghouls are
put away, the kids are calmed down after their sugar fix, and life goes back to
normal, until Thanksgiving at least. However, there is a point where this strategy
to protect ourselves becomes harmful, where we become so afraid to leave
shelter of the costume and strongly fear returning to our own identity.
This is
something many individuals struggling with eating disorders can strongly relate
to. Many of these individuals have faced situations that were too scary to
handle at the time. In order to cope with this, they clung onto something that
allowed them to disconnect from the situation and therefore, survive. They put
on the mask of the eating disorder, taking on that identity and attempting to
protect their own in the process. This can be highly effective in the moment and
there is little doubt that the eating disorder does its job. It helps the
person survive the situation without having to cope with such extreme pain. But
then what happens?
If you are
struggling with an eating disorder, you may view it as your lifeline, a
lifeline you are not capable of leaving. You may think, “If the eating disorder
helped me get through this situation, how will I be able to survive if I leave
it?” “Will I be able to make it on my own if I let go?” “Am I able to fully
face my emotions and life’s challenges, if I am myself?”
This
situation can become very frustrating for those in eating disorder treatment.
Often, patients come to a point where they desire to be free of the eating
disorder, but at the same time are terrified to leave. There may be feelings of
shame, humiliation, and defeat. It is important to remember, however, that it
is perfectly normal to have this attachment to the eating disorder. Just as the
Celts dressed up in costumes to help ward of the ghosts who threatened their
existence, putting on the mask of the eating disorder is a tool we often use in
order to get through a difficult time. Without the costumes, the Celts feared
they would not survive the winter. It likely would have caused them panic and
anxiety to remove the costumes and pursue other avenues such as preserving food
or migrating to land with a better climate, even if it made logical sense to
them. Clinging to the costumes may have prevented them from achieving their
goals, but the thought of doing something different would have created fear. The
costumes provided them with such comfort, and they were uncertain of the
outcome if they changed their course of action.
The same
is true for eating disorders. It is important to let go of shame, acknowledging
that the eating disorder is not a character flaw; rather we may have needed it
to survive. In recognizing this, we can take small steps to take off the mask
and let go of the eating disorder. By taking those small steps we practice
living life without the assistance of the eating disorder. There may be times
when we return to the mask and that’s okay, we just need to remember that each
time we choose to remove the mask and be our true selves, we are going down the
path of recovery.
If you
need support in letting go of your eating disorder, facing your fears, and living
the life that is true for you, call Ramey Nutrition to get an individual
assessment with one of our providers.
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